The Collegian

Issue date: 11/9/09 Section: Features

Author Tanisha Michelle Bagley speaking at the SHM Memorial Center on Nov 6, as part of SC State's Domestic Violence Symposium

Some people pay a higher price for love than others; this was made evident by the chilling tale of domestic violence shared by author Tanisha Michele Bagley who was the guest speaker at SC State's Domestic Violence Symposium on Nov 6.

Bagley spent 11 years married to an abusive husband and endured constant beatings, rape and psychological torture from the man she called her best friend when they first started dating.

"Domestic violence is the most senseless act of crime," she told the students, faculty and staff gathered in the Smith-Hammond-Middleton Memorial Center. "Its all about power and control over someone else," she continued.

Her story all began when she was just 14; she called her love affair with her boyfriend a modern Romeo and Juliet story.
"He was the best thing since slice bread to me," she said. "He was arrogant and conceited which I did not like, but he had high aspirations. He would call me all the time, now I say to girls that if a guy calls you all the time, he needs to get a hobby; that's stalking."

Their family history was similar, they both came from families where their mothers and in Bagley's case, both her mother and grandmother were victims of domestic violence, with her mother having it happen to her several times by different companions. As a result of her mother's many relationships, she vowed to show her family how to stay married.

The abuse began in her sophomore year of high school; shortly after she miscarried [not from abuse]. The experience caused her to develop a rare blood disorder that could lead to her death if she became pregnant again within a year. As a result she was reluctant to have sex, but her boyfriend insisted.

When she said no, he hit her.

"He told me he was so sorry and put a cold compression on my face and asked me to make sure nobody saw. My rationale was, it was my fault, because I said no, so from a young age I learned to never say no again."

Her concessions even led to her having two abortions to save her life, because she kept getting pregnant. The abuse continued, but was always followed by candy, flowers and "I love you's." Her mother found out when Bagley was hit so hard, an imprint of his hand was left on her face. Since that time, the two had to sneak around to continue their relationship. She was even beaten on their honeymoon night, and while she was pregnant.

Continued...

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