The Collegian

Q. I really need your help! My boyfriend and I are deeply in love, but there is one problem. My boyfriend likes to control me. Whenever we prepare to go out he likes to view my clothing. If he does not approve, he will ask me to find something else. If I disagree he changes his mind about going out. What should I do? Why are men so possessive? I enjoy expressing myself through clothing; my boyfriend feels it's too provocative. Should I change the way I dress for his comfort or just be me?

 A. All men are not overly possessive and only you can make the decision whether to change or continue to "do you." Call me old fashioned, but if my man did not approve of my clothing, then I would change it considering that it is the only problem in the relationship. You have acknowledged that this is the only problem you all have; therefore I believe you all should come to a compromise.

Although I do find it a little over bearing that he feels he has to approve of your clothing, but it makes me wonder why. Does he feel embarrassed because you ar wearing provocative clothing? Does he try to control everything in your relationship, or is it that he does not want people thinking negatively of you because of your dress? I believe you should think these things through before making your decision. If it is that he is embarrassed by the way you choose to dress then ask yourself whether the relationship is worth altering your clothing?

Others may say if he met you that way then there shouldn't be a problem, but I disagree. I do recognize that this is not your husband, but I believe when one makes the decision to be in a relationship he/she is making their other half a priority, meaning one will consider their partners feeling when making decisions that will affect them both. If you come to the conclusion that he often tries to control everything in the relationship then you may need to take a step back, because that is not a healthy relationship. Often times controlling partners turn into abusive partners.

On the other hand, maybe he is concerned that others may view you in a negatively and in an effort to protect you he comes off controlling. I am unsure of why you dress in provocative clothing, but maybe you need to tone it down because there is a substantial differentiation in between being sexy and risque. The best thing I can suggest is that you talk to him and try to get a better understanding of the reason for his actions; this will help you get to the bottom of the problem.

It is hard to have a successful relationship without communication therefore talking about the problem will bring you all closer together. I believe if you all are truly deep in love then things will work themselves out. Good Luck!

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